how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
