There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
