She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
