I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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