Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
