I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize