first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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