I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
