Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
