So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
