I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
