I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
