I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
