Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
