So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
