I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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