She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
