You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My bed smells like the plague
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize