Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
