just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
