i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
