yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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