shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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