i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
