After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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