I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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