my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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