well you can't waste a boner
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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