He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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