I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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