I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize