Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
