just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
