Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
