So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
