How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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