dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
third nipple confirmed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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