I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
