idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
