Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
