Christians are straight up FREAKS
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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