hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
