How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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