When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
