I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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