So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
