: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
