I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
