ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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