Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
