Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In other news, I just burned my penis
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
