Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
