I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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