Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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