I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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