I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
