im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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