As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize