I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
