Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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