sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
