Welp...herpes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
