I've blown a few things in my day
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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